Lasagna for Two : Behind the Scenes

To everyone else, I was simply making a lasagna in front of the camera, but inside, I was struggling with my emotions.  It’s been a while since we’ve made and posted a real behind the scenes video of us filming our cooking show, but I’m glad we did this time.

This time, instead of showing all the happy moments of us being goofy and upbeat while shooting, I showed you my vulnerable side.  It came as a total surprise to me because I don’t often like to show “weakness” in front of the camera.  But as soon as Joe pointed our vlog camera at me, I unexpectedly just let my guard down and told you how I was really feeling.  Maybe I’m starting to get more comfortable with the idea of being on YouTube now.

I was having a rough week mentally and emotionally and I just felt like being completely honest with you.  Most days are good, but some days are bad… and I don’t always even know why.  But that’s the thing about being human, right?  We can’t always be the same everyday or we’d be robots, and life would be boring. You can see what went on that day in our behind the scenes video below.  But just letting you know that in the video, I might not seem all that sad to you.  We tried hard to cover up my emotions by adding happy sounding music and editing out the really depressing parts. Haha. Either way, here it is…

WATCH OUR BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEO HERE:

After editing this video, I truly was debating about even posting it at all, but Joe encouraged me to do it.  I do often get comments from viewers that they like that I’m upbeat and cheerful, so it was hard to show this side of me.  But I definitely feel more relieved that I did.

I was just having a hard week of feeling sorry for myself for one reason or another.  I think I was feeling like our hard work wasn’t paying off, and I was feeling a little worn out and lonely.   Who knows how it started, but once I let myself slide down that slippery path, it only took moments for me to completely fall into a puddle of self-pity.

This was definitely the hardest shoot for me to get through up to this point because I had to really fight my own emotions and try to crack a smile every now and then and be “professional.”  If you already watched our Lasagna for Two episode and can’t even tell that I was struggling, then thank God for the magic of editing and cheerful background music!

I feel like I’m learning a lot by being on YouTube and being my own boss.  I see a lot of change going on in my character through this experience and know that I’m constantly evolving… for the better.  Sometimes it takes these “bad” moments to stop for a moment and be introspective.  I’m happy to report that since this shoot, I’m already on my way up again.  I feel more like myself and I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel again.  Thanks for letting me share and be honest with you.

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